When I was first in general practise the one sort of patient I dreaded coming through the door was someone saying. ” I feel fed up, I’m depressed, life’s not worth living, I wish I was out of it, life’s hell, I’m down, I’m b……” How could I understand, I was the happiest woman in the world:I had a lovely little cottage,a wonderful job with great staff and easygoing patients who never complained , more than enough money to live on, lots of lovely friends, a man to go out with but no commitments,no children(only borrowed) fit and healthy parents and family – life was rosy
Memories of working in the psychiatric hospital and looking after patients on intensive care having overdosed on the old fashioned drugs with horrendous complications came flooding back. But I was now in a position where I had to try to prevent these people going down that route….
Years have passed and my personal life has had many challenges and my understanding of depression has changed beyond measure- I now understand what it is like to feel in despair, hopeless and is life worth living? Fortunately I have been blessed with good friends, understanding people nearby, a strong faith and plenty of things I have been able to turn to to give me hope and worth and purpose to continue living.
When I was away someone emailed me and said “why don’t you do a blog on depression as there is lots in the news at the moment regarding bi polar (in view of Stephen fry’s recent admissions of suicide attempt) and depression / suicide (Paris jackson attempt suicide yesterday and famous Bollywood movie start Jiah Khan committed suicide this week too due to depression)http://www.thecalmzone.net/2013/06/first-person-jiah-khan-depression-suicide/
I felt that heart sink feeling again but a need to let people who are despairing that there is somewhere there for you and you have a right to be in this world and part of this world as much as anyone else. But somehow I couldn’t get around to writing anything about this subject.
However, the day before market day I had met Ann for the first time.She had recently retired and had been a PA to a Slovenian professor of Psychiatry who sadly had died at the age of 43yrs from Bowel Cancer. What’s more he had been one of the world’s experts in suicide prevention. She then proceeded to show me some of his lecture notes that she had been translating from Slovenian for future publication.
Next day we went to market ( to buy the apricots) and the local cathedral was cordoned off and we were later to hear that a 50 yr old advocat(barrister) ruuner up for mayor in 2012 had committed suicide and many hundreds of people were gathered for the funeral service.
I now feel very motivated to write on this vast subject of depression and will be continuing to review these Slovenian papers which have some very interesting thoughts ……..
***look out for further blogs
Meanwhile, if you are depressed and need someone to talk with the surgery will always accommodate you with a longer appointment -please ask at reception or by by phone- you need not disclose why you want a long appointment.
If you need to know more about depression
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/mind_in_your_area/242 in Ealing
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